Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
