You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
