Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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