well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
