Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
