the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
