I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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