He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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