my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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