I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
this hospital has no fireball
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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