i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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