A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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