I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
