I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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