Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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