haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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