you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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