woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and she was petting her beer can
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
