why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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