cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
