Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
