it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
why is half of my head shaved?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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