so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
