I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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