Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
