New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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