I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
