He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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