Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize