I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
