Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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