**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
