do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
