I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
