how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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