i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
