Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no, he came in my armpit
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
