I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
