Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
