4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
