apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Pooping to opera.
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