R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
