I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
