I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
