I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
