There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
