Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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