Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
