Duck Duck Cougar?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
