dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
