Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
