since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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