Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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