I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
