I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
