i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
