He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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