his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
