JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
