He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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