I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
