Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
