I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
