My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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