There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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