3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
