Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
