i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
