Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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