if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish my penis had an off switch
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
