I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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