So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
