Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
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Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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