im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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