So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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