after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
